by Randy Willis
How the Dickens did he know my love story?
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. —Charles Dickens A Tale of Two Cities
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She was my love. My great love. My greatest love.
The leaves were red. Some orange. Some yellow. We walked hand in hand down a dusty hill country road towards the evening sun. Barefooted, as always, she could barely see the ground through her windblown hair on this Autumn’s eve. Lord, I loved that woman. But you know that.
All I had to give her was my name, such a pittance for one so valuable—so fine—so kind. A new name, most knew nothing of, as wintertime nears and the days grow shorter.
Love brings joy. The loss of it brings heartache. That’s nothing new under the hot Texas sun. But there lies life’s great mystery. The most outstanding achievements are not on the bright, tall mountain tops. But in the deep, dark valleys.
Jesus explains this mystery in the Gospel of John.
Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. —John 12:24
This is my story, a love story known only to me—save One. The latter being the One who died on a tree for all the world to see.
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In 1986, I divorced. Two years later, I met a lady in Corpus Christi on a business trip. As the weekend approached, I was to rendezvous with an old friend from our high school days.
The lady and I were both staying at the Holiday Inn on Corpus Christi Bay. I was in Corpus Christi for a quarterly board meeting. The Austin Apartment Association appointed me as one of three board members to the Texas Apartment Association.
She was in Corpus Christi to recover from a divorce in Houston. It was an abusive relationship. We met in the sauna next to the indoor swimming pool overlooking Corpus Christi Bay.
She bore a resemblance to Kate Beckinsale today, although I found her more beautiful. We made small talk for 20 minutes. I endured as much heat as I could in the sauna. Then, we moved to a table by the pool. I knew it was now or never, so I asked if she would like to have dinner with me.
“It’s too soon,” she said. “But I will meet you for coffee this evening in the hotel’s cafe.” We talked as we walked down Shoreline Boulevard, as the seagulls bedded down for the night in the distance.
After my board meeting, we drove to Mustang Island. My reservations were at the Mayan Princess, built two years before by a friend from the apartment association. We also visited my high school friend, Joel “Joe” Montgomery, and several others I had invited weeks earlier. Joe drove in from Hallettsville to vacation with me at Mustang Island for the weekend.
She and I went our separate ways but kept in touch by phone. In time, we discovered we had much in common, including golf. I invited her to fly into Austin and play with me at the Austin Apartment Association’s annual golf tournament. She was a much better golfer than I, which is not saying much.
As our romance intensified, we decided she should move to Austin. I rented a house for her. She began to help me with my horses, mules, cows, and assorted Spanish goats. She loved the goats. I didn’t dare tell her I raised them for Cabrito to roast on my BBQ pit.
We realized our love was not a passing fancy, so we got engaged, but all was not well. When I first met her, I noticed she was thin. I also noticed she barely ate anything on her plate—just a few small bites. She wore long, loose, flowing dresses to conceal her thinness. I wrote it off as modesty. We attended Hyde Park Baptist Church in Austin. She loved the Lord.
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On New Year’s Day, 1989, we watched the movie premiere on TV entitled The Karen Carpenter Story. As the film progressed, she began to cry, saying repeatedly, “That’s me.”
I knew nothing about anorexia. Karen Carpenter died in 1983. Her death was attributed to heart failure because of anorexia nervosa. There was no social media then to sound the alarm. The Karen Carpenter Story did that.
Public awareness of anorexia nervosa and other eating disorders was transformed by Karen Carpenter’s death and the later movie. The sympathetic reporting of her illness prompted other celebrities to step forward and share their experiences.
It was an eating disorder that many would not acknowledge in those days. That may be true today, too.
We soon got an appointment with Dr. George Willeford, Jr. at St. David’s Hospital. He was a wonderful, kind-hearted man. But he did not gloss over how she was putting herself in harm’s way.
He explained that anorexia can rob your organs of nutrients and damage them even if you start eating correctly. “The damage may have already been done,” he said.
She gained 10 pounds and seemed healthier. She died of a heart attack two months later.
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Darkness fell upon me. I lost 30 pounds in 30 days. I blamed God. I was no longer attentive to my career. Within six months, I filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. I cried out to Jesus, “Lord, where are you?”
I could not understand how a Christian girl and someone so young and kind could die. I read the Scriptures in search of answers. The first verse from the Lord changed my life forever. “He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:39)
That seemed simple enough; whoever finds his life will lose it. Okay, Randy, life is not about physical things. It is not about acquiring and accumulating like the proverbial mantra: sex, drugs, and rock and roll. But that’s not what it says. It is so easy to draw a circle around others’ faults and not ours.
“What have I been seeking?” I wrote down a long list on a yellow tablet. It included success, education, health, and wealth. Social status, entertainment, and pleasure. Friends, family, children, and even religion. These are the things I’ve focused on. “Surely they are not all bad, Lord?”
The scripture did not end there. What about the part that reads, “He who loses his life for My sake will find it.” Okay, what does that mean, Lord?
I’m a little slow sometimes, “So Lord, life is not in the getting but in the giving?” I surmised.
He then led me to, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. All these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33)
Now, that began to make sense. “I’ve spent all these years seeking and acquiring. But I still do not have the joy and peace You spoke of, Lord, in your Word.”
Even your universe is that way. The sun gives to the grass. The grass gives to the cow. The cow gives me milk. I don’t pretend to understand how a brown cow eating green grass gives me white milk. I reckon that part is called faith.
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That made me want to know Him more. I read Jeremiah. It offers a powerful promise from God. When we earnestly seek Him wholeheartedly, we will find Him.
And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. —Jeremiah 29:13
But I was still struggling with maintaining peace as I recalled things like how she laughed at my corny jokes. And, how she insisted on buying me boots since mine had holes in them. And how no one would ever be able to replace her. And a list a mile long. “Lord, how do I have the peace that passes all understanding, that the scripture records in Philippians?” I did not have that kind of peace.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. —Philippians 4:6-7
“Lord, how do I draw closer to you?” How do I find the peace in your Bible? I felt like I was losing my mind.
I began to explain the Bible to the Lord. In fairness to myself, when I do this, I’m not “preaching” to the Lord. God forbid. I’ve done it many times, but I’m really preaching to myself.
I began to lay out my case of not understanding the Bible to the Lord. Yes, I was bold. And, ignorant enough to use metaphors. It was as if the Lord needed my “creative writing” to understand. I wrote my questions in the margin of my Bible.
“The most fervent of your apostles, Peter, denied you. Another betrayed you after seeing your miracles for 30 pieces of silver. The others, except one, fled like a cat on a hot tin roof as you hung on a cross.
“Nicodemus, the most pious of religious leaders, couldn’t understand. The supreme religious body, the Sanhedrin, comprising Pharisees and Sadducees, was clueless. Although it was within their grasp in the scrolls, they held them so sacred.
“The most radical of the spiritual folks, the Zealots, their unholy zeal misguided them. The most influential political leaders on earth could not see past themselves.
“Your own people, the Jews, mocked you as the Romans nailed you to the cross.
“What hope is there for me to know You? You, Lord Jesus, are the Lord of Creation who spoke the Universe into existence. You know the end in the beginning. You alone, created something from nothing.
How can I get your attention? How can I find peace?
I found the answer in Scripture and on a billboard, yes, like those on the side of the road.
Jesus, leaving Jericho on his way to Jerusalem with His disciples, was joined by a great multitude. A blind man sat begging along the roadside. His name was Bartimaeus. Bartimaeus knew the promised Messiah would descend from King David.
When he discovered the clamor was about Jesus, he cried, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.” When the crowd warned him to be quiet, he shouted louder. Jesus healed Bartimaeus and said, “Go, your faith has healed you.”
When Jesus heard Bartimaeus, the Bible says, “Jesus stood still.” What does it take to get Jesus’s attention? What does it take to stop God in the flesh, the Lord of Creation, Jesus Christ, in His tracks? The cry of a blind beggar.
A week later, Christ promised Heaven to another of the least of society, but not in God’s eyes. He was a lowly thief on a cross next to Jesus. That criminal, like the blind beggar, placed his trust in Jesus. The thief would be the first Jesus Christ would take to Heaven. Oh, my success means little to my Savior; it’s my faith He seeks. It’s my trust He seeks.
Oh, about that billboard. The Lord often has to “hit me” up the side of my head for me to get His truths. I was driving down IH-35 near Austin when I noticed a giant billboard with a scripture from Isaiah. The words from God’s Word have never left my mind.
You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. —Isaiah 26:3
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No, this is not the billboard I saw, but my feeble attempt to show what I saw that day. And yes, it was this big.
Since I was a boy, I have heard many sermons on repentance, faith, trusting, and believing in Jesus. They are the bedrock of my faith.
But somehow, I have never heard a sermon on just the mind that I can recall. I am sure there has been some. Jesus spoke of the mind in the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 22. He also mentioned the mind in Philippians 2:5 (‘Let this mind be in you’). There are numerous other mentions throughout the Bible. But I never grasped the importance of what my “mind should be focused on.”
Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. (bold emphasis is mine)’ —Matthew 22:37
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Are you broken-hearted? Are you at the end of your rope? Are you alone and discouraged? Do you sometimes feel like you’re losing your mind? You’re not alone.
Jesus hears the cry of a baby. He hears your cries, too. (Psalm 69: 33-34).
He takes our tears and puts them in a bottle. (Psalm 56: 8) He attends the funeral of every sparrow. (Matthew 10: 29-31) Our hairs are not counted, but each has a number. (Matthew 10:30)
God has named the stars and determined their number. Each has its own name. (Psalm 147:4)
God cares about the details of our lives. He sees every tear. He cares about every hurt and every disappointment.
And yes, He loves you and me so much that He shed His lifeblood for us. Jesus was crucified in place of a criminal named Barabbas. You and I are Barabbas. You and I deserved the punishment for our sins. Not Jesus.
The Just took the place of the unjust. The Righteous for the unrighteous died. The Godly was sacrificed for the ungodly. The sinless Lamb of God took our, the sinner’s, place on the cross.
Where am I getting this from? The inerrant, infallible Word of God, the Bible. It is God’s love letter to you and me. It is His “instruction manual” for life, peace, and victory in Jesus.
The question is, how do we overcome disappointment and fear? And guard our minds in this chaotic, dangerous, and ever-increasing evil world? One way can be found in the Bible’s stories. They are a beacon of light during these dark times. Please read them, study their meaning, and teach them to your children and grandchildren.
How to Have Peace of Mind in a Troubled World?
Have you ever felt that the harder you try, the worse things get? You pray, plead, and promise God you will change if He delivers you this one time. You wonder if He even cares. You suggest ways God can rescue you from your pit. Your hopes and dreams are crushed. You conclude there is no way to escape from this free fall into despair and disappointment. And no one understands. No one seems to really care.
You are not alone. Many biblical scholars believe King David wrote Psalm 102: 6: “I am like a pelican of the wilderness.” He also said, “I am like an owl of the desert.” Neither a pelican nor an owl belongs there. Nor do you.
I’ve been there too. But there is hope. There is a way, but it is not found in a pill or bottle. You won’t find it in an entertainment or a “how to pull yourself up with your bootstraps’ book.” No, it’s not positive thinking, although I’m all for that. It’s not found in a mystical higher power, cosmic energy, or religion. There are countless online solutions, but few are truly God’s way.
The scriptures warn us in Proverbs 14:2, “There is a way that seems right to a man. But its end is the way of death.”
And again, in Proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.”
You will be offered answers numerous times when you come to these critical crossroads in your life. Realize you have an enemy, Satan, the father of all lies, with all the wrong answers. As the inventor of lies, Satan is the master of them, often lacing them with truth. But a hundred legitimate dollar bills do not make a counterfeit one real.
Satan will enumerate your sins in your thoughts, for the Bible says he is our accuser. And the list may be accurate. But then here comes his lie, “God doesn’t love you. Look at what you’ve done. How could God love you? You are not worthy of anyone’s love.”
Don’t believe it. This is why Christ shed his lifeblood on the cross for you and me. He loves you and wants to forgive your sins and spend eternity with you.
Christ loves you. His love is not limited. His mercy is not limited. His grace is not limited. And yes, His blood atonement for our sins is not restricted to a few.
Jesus spoke of Satan. Satan is your enemy, not the “Karen” next door.
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. —John 10:10
So where, then, do I find the answer? The answer is found in a love letter to my friend. The love letter is addressed to you. It is printed in the Word of God, the Bible. It is repeatedly recorded in the Book of all books how to overcome what seems impossible. The love letter is written by the One who loves you most. The One who always has your best interest in mind. The One who died for you. The One who has never made a mistake, including creating you.
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A Young Man.
The love letter is for the young and the old. This love story is about a teenager named David. He was alone under the starry sky, tending sheep. He became the most remarkable King of Israel and forefather of the Messiah, Jesus.
A Middle-aged Man.
A chosen middle-aged man named Joshua had a significant task. He followed a man, Moses, who received his marching orders from God in a burning bush. Then, he’s tasked with leading hundreds of thousands of people, despite a massive learning curve. That would perplex anyone. How would you like to be asked to follow in Moses’ footsteps? The man who spoke to God in the Burning Bush. The man, in God’s power, parted the Red Sea.
God instructed Joshua to walk around the Walls of Jericho, the fortress of the most barbaric people on earth. And yes, the walls came tumbling down without a shot being fired. I named my middle son Joshua Randall Willis after the Biblical Joshua and me. Joshua said, “But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15) Let that be the “banner” for your family.
An Old Man.
Another triumphant story against seemingly impossible odds can be found in the story of an old man, Daniel. Daniel, who was over 90, was thrown into a den of lions despite being past his prime. Your age does not matter; God can still use you.
You and Me.
I’ve been there, you have too, and so have these young, middle-aged, and old men in the Bible. Learn from their stories. You can slay the giants in your life and have weapons to spare. Walk through fire without the spell of smoke on you. Sleep in peace with your enemy’s hungry lions as a pillow. Walk on water amid your storms of life.
The Lord will do all this in a way you never dreamed. You want to read history’s number one best-selling “motivational how-to book.” Open your Bible.
My Favorite.
My favorite is a leader, Jehoshaphat, King of Judah, who is facing three insurmountable enemies at once. I’ve been there more than once. I suspect you have, too. He cries. I don’t have the might or foggiest {my adjective} idea of what to do, but…
What follows the word “but” contains the answer to what to do. It is the answer to what to do when your world falls apart. It provides the answer to how to overcome your seemingly insurmountable situation. It is what to do when problem after problem after problem is overwhelming you.
You want to scream, “I give up!”
David picks up 5 stones because Goliath has 4 brothers. Is this confidence? Yes, but not in himself, but in the Lord. The teenage Sheppard boy faces a nine-foot-plus giant named Goliath. God can defeat the giants in your life, too, no matter how big or how many.
David pursues God in worship. He dances before the Lord all night. The house of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord. They did so with shouts and the sound of trumpets. (2 Samuel 6:12:15) When David received discouraging advice from everyone about facing Goliath, he recalled his previous victories. He said, “I work as a shepherd for my father.” Whenever a lion or a bear attacked one of his lambs, David went after it and struck it down. —1 Samuel 17:35-36
I’ve claimed few words more than David’s in Psalm 51:10-12. This was after David committed adultery and manslaughter. Perhaps the more accurate word is murder.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit. —Psalm 51:10
Over the decades, I have walked in the forest and sat under a cliff by a crystal clear stream. I always begin my prayer with David’s words in Psalm 42:1-2.
As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, O God.
God calls David “A man after his heart.” Have you fallen? Get up and become a man or woman after God’s heart. You can start by focusing on Christ, not your failures. Set your mind and heart not on your mistakes but on the One who is the God of second chances. And a third, and a…
But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more. —Romans 5:20
Daniel refuses to focus on the lions but on the Light of his heavenly Father. God can close the mouths of your enemies, too. You, too, may be thrown in “a den of lions.”
The rulers take Daniel and cast him into the dungeon (Daniel 6:16). Why? Daniel refused to change his habits of worship. He refused to change his prayers to God. He refused to close his windows, open toward Jerusalem. And he refused to obey the decree that would separate him from the Lord God (Daniel 6:10).
You will not win a popularity contest with your faith in the Lord of Heaven. It will be challenged. It won’t be very kind to many. You will lose many “trusted friends” you met on Facebook. I call Facebook narcissism on steroids.
You will be thrown into a “den of lions.” ” When you are, God will send an angel to protect you.
God knows from eternity past that you will face a den of lions. He has already prepared a response. The Lord God Almighty of Heaven sent an angel. He shut the lions’ mouths. Daniel spent the night in quiet rest (Daniel 6:21-22).
What is Daniel to do now? Go to sleep. But what about a soft pillow? A lion will do. Daniel was at rest in the den of lions. His captors were less at rest in the palace with all its comforts and luxuries (Daniel 6:18). “He gives His beloved sleep” (Psalms 127:2). One angel slew 185,000 Assyrian soldiers on one night. Sleep well, my friend. He will give His angels charge over you. Read Psalm 91 daily.
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No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. —Psalm 91:10-11
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We are all in a den of lions during our lives. We should not speak to youngsters as if the Christian life is only a primrose path. It is not always a bed of roses. It isn’t easy. The Christian faces the ultimate antagonist in all history, Satan, through trials and temptation. His weapons are deception and discouragement.
Satan will attempt everything to paralyze you with fear. He wants to hinder you by causing disappointment. This discourages you from sharing the Good News, the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Stand on God’s promise, in Isaiah: “No weapon formed against you shall prosper.”
No weapon formed against you shall prosper. —Isaiah 54:17
Satan will remain a thorn in your side until the Second Coming of Christ. However, he was defeated at the cross of Calvary. Take up the sword of the Holy Sprint, the Word of God. It’s sharp; swing it wisely.
And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. —Ephesians 6:10
Simon Peter on the storm-tossed Sea of Galilee is all of us at times. You, too, can walk on water atop the storms in your life.
No one in the Bible reminds me more of me than Simon Peter, and that’s not a compliment. I am speaking of the time before Peter became the great Apostle Peter who preached at Pentecost. No, I have no desire to be crucified upside down. Historians have handed down that Apostle Peter was crucified that way.
Peter denied knowing Christ three times. I have denied Christ in my behavior way more than that. Peter walked on water during the mighty storm on the Sea of Galilee. Then he took his eyes off Jesus and turned them towards the winds and waves. And began to drown.
How many times have I taken my eyes off Jesus and almost “drowned?” How often have I started to sink in the storms of life? I have had to cry like Peter, “Save me.” Speaking of learning curves.
I have been brash and braggadocios. I’ve wondered if Peter, like me, wrote these traits off as being self-assured or perhaps the power of positive thinking. Indeed, he was like me; he was full of himself. I admired him when he cut off Malchus’s ear. This happened in the Garden of Gethsemane when they came to arrest Jesus.
Now, Peter was no swordsman. Nor am I. I suspect he was swinging for Malchus’s neck. My sword has often been my words.
If Jesus had not miraculously healed Malchus’s ear, there may have been four crosses, not three, on Calvary’s hill. How often has the Lord delivered me from bad choices in my youth? Who knows all of them, not even Mama, for I dared not tell her. Jesus rebuked Peter, although I doubt as many times as He has rebuked me.
But Jesus said to him, Put your sword in its place, for all who take the sword will perish by the sword. —Matthew 26:52
Who better to writes these words than the Apostle Peter.
Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble. —1 Peter: 5:5
Peter could walk on water as long as his eyes were upon Jesus. When he began to look at the wind and waves, he sank.
They soon discover the safest place to be is the fiery furnace. The reason is that the “Fourth Man” is there, the pre-incarnate Christ. You, too, can walk through the fires of life with not even the smell of smoke on you. The only things that burned that day were the people who threw them into the fires. Additionally, the ropes that bound them burned.
Three Hebrew children, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, refused to compromise their faith. They were thrown into a fiery furnace and turned up seven times. The safest place to be is a fiery furnace if the 4th man, Christ, is there too.
Jehoshaphat, as mentioned before, is my favorite story of victory over impossible circumstances. He acknowledges to God that he has no power against the three armies coming against him. Nor does he know what to do.
The turning point is in 2 Chronicles 20:12-15. He cries out to God and says, “For we have no power against this great multitude that is coming against us.” Nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.
This is a great lesson I have learned in my life. I should place my eyes on Jesus, not on my problem. The hardest part is the “be still” command. I too often wish to pick up my favorite weapon, my spoken words.
You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you. —2 Chronicles 20:17
Jehoshaphat overlooks his three enemies in safety as they destroy each other. Our role is to take our eyes off our problems and place them firmly on the Lord.
You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. —Isaiah 26:3
Our Image of God
Is God a gray-bearded old man sitting on his throne, waiting for you and I to mess up? Does he then grab our collar and jerk us as if we are rag dolls? Not hardly.
Instead, He is our loving father waiting for his son or daughter to “come to themselves.”
The son insisted on going to a foreign land to blow his inheritance. The father watches and waits patiently for his son “to come to himself.” The “Prodigal Son,” who was Jewish, took on the most offensive job for a Jew, slopping pigs. In the pig pin he finally came to himself.
When he does, there is a grand celebration for him at home. The Father rejoices because his son, who was dead in rebellion and sin, is alive again. Where is a foreign land? A place where you and I don’t belong. We belong home where our Heavenly Father watches with open arms for our return.
The “Prodigal Son,” who was Jewish, took on the most offensive job for a Jew, slopping pigs. You were not created to be in a pig pen: physically, mentally, morally, or spiritually.
“For this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry.“ Luke 15:24
DEDICATION
This is dedicated to my six grandchildren. Their names are Baylee Coatney Willis, Corbin Randall Willis, Presley Rose Willis, Olivia Grace Willis, Juliette Rebecca Willis, and Violet Jean Willis. It is also for my future grandchildren. May you always look towards our Blessed Hope, Jesus. —Titus 2:3
Give Your Life Away and Find It
He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it. (Matthew 10:39)
But First Things First
The most famous 25 words ever written: “For God so loved the world. He gave His only begotten Son. Whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)
If these words are how you feel in your heart, then pray:
“Heavenly Father,
I pray to You, asking for the forgiveness of my sins.
I confess with my mouth. I believe with my heart that Jesus is Your Son. He died on the cross at Calvary, so I might be forgiven.
Father, I believe that Jesus rose from the dead. I ask Jesus to come into my life as my personal Lord and Savior.
I turn from my sins and will surrender to your will throughout my life.
Your word is truth. I confess with my mouth that I am born again. I am cleansed by the blood of Jesus!
In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen!”
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